plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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