You can't special order awesome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
