Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want is dick and wine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
