There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
