So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
