she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
