I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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