I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
