There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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