im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
