if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
