you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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