The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The ass gains better be worth it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
