i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
