It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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