You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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