He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
