You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
