Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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