Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
