was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
