Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My breasts were aching with rage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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