Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
