No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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