I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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