There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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