I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
