My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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