You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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