rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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