why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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