How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
