YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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