She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
