chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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