Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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