I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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