meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
