Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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