he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will pee on everything he values.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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