just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
