In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just want nice things and good sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
