It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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