If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We are all done wearing pants today
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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