Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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