I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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