I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
