I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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