First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
