and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
