they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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