New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
