I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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