i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am one with the molecules
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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