I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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