And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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