so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
