Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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