I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
