i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
