I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
