yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
