i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
