I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she peed on how many people?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
