After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
