there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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