I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
