me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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