My first STD was from a foam party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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