conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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