We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
