Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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