i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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